SARCASM

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 
Do I look like a f__king people person? 
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 
If I throw a stick, will you leave? 
You!... Off my planet! 
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats. 
Does your train of thought have a caboose? 
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. 
A PBS mind in an MTV world. 
Allow me to introduce my selves. 
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. 
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. 
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. 
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. 
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? 
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. 
Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me? 
It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size. 
A woman's favorite position is CEO. 
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 
Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1? 
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 
Okay, okay, I take it back! UnF__k you! 
Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 
Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong. 
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 
I plead contemporary insanity. 
And which dwarf are you? 
How do I set a laser printer to stun? 
Meandering to a different drummer. 
I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?