The Greatest Lies in the World

The check is in the mail.
I won't come in your mouth.
I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
Lose all the weight you want!
Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.
For your convenience...
It was like that when I got here.
New and Improved!
I didn’t make any changes.
I'm doing this for your own good.
Oh well, no harm done...
Now we're even.
I thought I already gave you that money I owed you.
I'm fine.
The dog ate my homework.
This is what it will cost to repair your car.
Nine out of ten people surveyed said...
Make Money Fast!!
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but...
Free after rebate.
In order to serve you better...
You may already be a winner!
I never meant to mislead you.
I'm planning to get a divorce so I can marry you.
It was working when you bought it.
The software will ship on schedule.
It was as simple as that.
This will hurt me more than it does you.
It's nothing personal.
You look like you haven't aged a day.
The game (show, movie, concert) is sold out.
We are not responsible.
Your table will be ready in just a minute.
I didn't mean any harm.
Free lifetime supply.
With all due respect...
I didn't do it.
I don't know who did it.
We found and fixed the last bug!
Guaranteed forever.
Prices will never be lower.
I promise I'll pull out in time.
No, I don't think that outfit makes you look fat.
For the low rate of just $0.05 per minute…
We'll have the repairs on your car done by noon.
You're going to love working here.
I'm being totally unbiased.
I'm not addicted; I can quit smoking (drinking, habit of choice) any time I want.
It worked yesterday.
If elected, I promise...
This should be easy.
No obligation!
We are experiencing a peak level of call volume...
It was an accident.
You don't need to use a condom; I'm on the Pill.
Your car has been fixed.
I don't know what you're talking about.
To speak to a representative, press "9".
It makes no difference to me.
I'll only take a minute of your time.
This isn't partisan politics; it's for the good of the country.
I'll never get this drunk (stoned, etc.) again.
This will only hurt a little.
This product was made in an environmentally friendly manner.
Easy-to-follow instructions.
So simple, even a child can do it.
For a limited time only.
Just a second.
Of course I’m over 18.
There will be just a slight delay.
Traffic is moving normally.
The doctor will see you in a few minutes.
It was made fresh today.
I won’t tell a soul.
When I was your age…
I did exactly what you told me to do.
All the other kids’ parents said it was OK.
It was driven only on Sundays….
Original owner, low mileage.
I’m not hungry. I’ll just pick.
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The railroad is on time.