Thoughts for insomniacs.

More thoughts for insomniacs.

Deep thinking.

Time Honored Truths

If you have insomnia, think about these.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles" why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

Why do we say something is out of whack? What exactly is a "whack"?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to night-clubs? Shouldn't they wear night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If someone offers you a penny are you obliged to tell them what you're thinking?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a "broker"? Shouldn't he be a "richer"?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

Why does soured cream have a "use by" date?

When cheese is photographed, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

If horrific means horrible, why doesn't terrific mean terrible?

If 21 is twenty-one why isn't 11 pronounced onety-one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could the longest sentence be "I do"?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be de-lighted, musicians de-noted, cowboys de-ranged, models de-posed & dry cleaners de-pressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint on it you have to touch it to be sure?

Why is it if someone eats or drinks something which tastes awful they immediately offer it to the nearest person and say "Taste that"?

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Still can't sleep?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

Why do people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older ... they were cramming for their finals!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?

IRS - Be audit you can be

Clones are people, two.

Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage

Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.

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Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

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