Advice for Yankees Moving South

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

Redneck Farmer

A man is driving down a country road in Arkansas, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."