Passover Humor

(To be sung to the tune of "My favorite things", from The Sound of Music)

Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes
Out with the hametz, no pasta, no knishes
Fish that's gefiltered,
horseradish that stings
These are a few of our Passover things.

Matzoh and karpas and chopped up haroset
Shankbones and kidish and Yiddish neuroses
Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings
These are a few of our Passover things.

Motzi and maror and trouble with Pharoahs
Famines and locust and slaves with wheelbarrows
Matzoh balls floating and eggshell that clings
These are a few of our Passover things.

CHORUS

When the plagues strike
When the lice bite
When we're feeling sad
We simply remember our Passover things
And then we don't feel so bad.

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:

"Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Passover

10. Save money by using last year's Matza (it won't taste any different and you haven't thought of eating it since then).

9. Elbows on the table.

8. Maror it's a better medicine for sinuses than any prescription.

7. Four cups of wine (and if Elijah doesn't show this year, there's a 5th!!).

6. The extra cash from selling your Chometz comes in handy after Spring Break.

5. The required cleaning of the refrigerator gives you a reason to throw out that old milk container.

4. You actually eat the parsley.

3. Reasons to use your wooden spoon, candle, and feather collection that you can actually tell your mother about.

2. Think of all the toilet paper you save by eating Matzah for a week.

1. To remember that Charlton Heston (and his wife, Lilly Munster) led you out of Egypt.

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him. The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this?!!"

(and two for the older crowd)

If you want to avoid an unwelcome Passover invitation, you can say you can't go because I/my wife has a yeast infection.

Viagra is banned during Pesach, along with all other agents causing things to rise.