You Know You've Joined A Cheap HMO When... 

10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters. 
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Make a left when you enter the trailer park." 
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 
7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. 
6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a  day." 
5. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 
4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo. 
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. 
2. Your Prozac comes in different colors with little "M"s on them. 
1. You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.