Women's Wish List

What I Want in a Man, Original List:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful 
4. A caring listener 
5. Witty 
6. In good shape 
7. Dresses with style 
8. Appreciates finer thing 
9. Full of thoughtful surprises 
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head) 
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 
4. Listens more than talks 
5. Laughs at my jokes 
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 
7. Owns at least one tie 
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK) 
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 
4. Nods head when I'm talking 
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 
3. Doesn't borrow money too often 
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times 
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 
9. Remembers your name on occasion 
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62) 

1. Doesn't scare small children 
2. Remembers where bathroom is 
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 
4. Only snores lightly when asleep 
5. Remembers why he's laughing 
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 
7 Usually wears some clothes 
8. Likes soft foods 
9. Remembers where he left his teeth 
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing 
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

Satisfying Women

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are fucking impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."