SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking.
"So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I
don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled
and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give
him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
it was considered cosmetic The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
"small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for " large.
"The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called
his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking
dejected."Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die,I'm getting you a headstone
that reads:'Here Lies My Wife -Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"