Where Are You From
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Where are you from?


1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

New York City

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature".
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own  language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

The Deep South

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.


1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

The Midwest

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"


1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind-- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people

More New York

You know you're from New York when... 

You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license. 

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available. 

You and the other three passengers look at each other and know you have pure grit. 

You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway. 

You know what a "regular" coffee is. 

It's not Manhattan; it's the "city". 

You get upset that a cabbie is obeying all the rules of the road. 

You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent. 

There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown."  

If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are....  And east or west is "cross-town." 

You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting the fact. 

You move 8,000 miles aw ay, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth. 

You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and "real" bagel. 

A 500 square foot apartment is large. 

Your co-worker commutes 45 minutes by train to a 2,000 square foot house in the suburbs that was the same price as that same 500 square foot apartment of yours that takes only 35 minutes to get to and you think he's a sucker. 

You know the differences between all the different Ray's pizzas. 

You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.a. announcement on the subway. 

You know who Mr. G.  Is. 

You have at least 50 menus in your apartment, two thirds of which you have neither ordered from nor even heard of. 

You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city. 

You know that off-the-shelf insecticides are just laughing gas to the superior roaches cohabitating with you in the 500 square foot apartment. 

You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian. 

You're not in the least bit interested in going to times square on new year's eve. 

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect. 

You know what a bodega is. 

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats. 

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet. 

You don't even notice the nice lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself. 

You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car. 

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. Like the city in Texas. 

The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor. 

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you. (They take up all the parking spaces!) 

You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop. 

The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it is beer. 

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