You Shouldn't Have Asked

(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?
(A) Nudity.

(Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
(A) 45 lbs.

(Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
(A) 45 minutes.

(Q) How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
(A) None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

(Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
(A) Through his chest with a sharp knife.

(Q) Why are men and parking spaces alike?
(A) Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled.

(Q) Why do men want to marry virgins?
(A) They can't stand criticism.

(Q) Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
(A) Because those men already have boyfriends.

(Q) What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
(A) After a year the dog is still glad to see you.

(Q) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
(A) The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

(Q) What do you call a smart blonde male?
(A) A Golden Retriever.

(Q) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
(A) Ask your Mom.

(Q) What is the quickest way to clear out a men's rest room?
(A) Say, "Nice Dick."

(Q) Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
(A) Because they have cotton balls.

(Q) What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
(A) Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

(Q) Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
(A) Mace will do that to you.

(Q) Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
(A) Everyone has the same DNA.

(Q) Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
(A) Breasts don't have eyes.

(Q) What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
(A) A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

(Q) What's the Cuban National Anthem?
(A) Row row row your boat.

(Q) What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
(A) A Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time."   and a Southern fairy tale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."