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 Get
your foot out of your mouth
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are
the Testimonials of a few women who did...
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn’t say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different
kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I’m just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister has never
let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able
to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw
you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered
up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a particular
question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny had not
asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said
"No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
have any clothes with me.” Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No,” he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, !
did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his
pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing
for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow -- but don't
get any....a true story...
We had a female news anchor who, the day after
it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard!
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