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Ticket
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice
evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of
his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he
suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and
opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the
situation hit him.
"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the
car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday
the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for
your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a
cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
Happy to be a Guy
1) Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) You know stuff about tanks.
3) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4) You can open all your own jars.
5) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7) You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
8) You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9) You can kill your own food.
10) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
11) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your
friend.
13) Your underwear is 10$ for a three-pack.
14) If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
15) Everything on your face stays its original color.
16) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
17) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
19) Car mechanics tell you the truth.
20) You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
thinking: "He must be mad at me."
21) Same work... more pay.
22) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
23) Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental – 75 bucks.
24) You don't mooch off other's desserts.
25) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
26) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might
become lifelong friends.
27) You pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything
different?"
28) You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
29) You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
30) You almost never have strap problems in public.
31) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
32) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33) You don't have to shave below your neck.
34) At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
35) Your belly usually hides your big hips.
36) One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
37) You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
38) You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
39) Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,
in 45 minutes.
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